Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Christmas with family 2016... and looking back with life.

Went home Christmas eve. spend two days with family. No drama no war! First time without father in-law at home for Christmas, just four of us this year. A little sad missing FIL and my dog, both gone to heaven this year. Well, with all those friends GOD keep shower on me, I do wish I can follow their path, no more pain no more worry! Really have enough living with all those friends from God. No one know your pains your struggle. Heart is bleeding dry. I am trying hard living with dreams and hope... hoping one day family can change...

Who is selfish who is greedy, who are really care? How many call you visit you? Sisters brothers, daughter, all treat you like glass! I need find subject excuse to call them for a chat, otherwise they will treat me like alien. They will catch my bug! Family hurts, worst then stranger sometimes! No wonder it's from our dad... daughter is stranger in his eye! After all those years helping in the shop for dad! I love my dad very much, but... daughter is stranger! Forgive forget? How easy? Old stuff old story, but I can't forget, don't know how others do it?

And nine years... move out from in-law's house, coping living on my own, living with dreams to support myself... cleaning homes, office, school. Not my dream job, but what can I do? English only half bucket full. Yes, not many like cleaning, me too, people look you down. Never dream to be a cleaner myself, where that gut come from? I am a cook, a really good cook!:-) Yes, I am a big head! "You are not the only one can cook, lots people can cook better than you!" from a dear one on the phone. I told her I can train, didn't say I am. God that hurt, and more... "Call you! Call you for what? Just to say hello good bye!" People don't use their heart when they talk, it hurt really hurt, I forgive but can't forget? I am bad temper, I swear I shout, I talk loud I break things when I am upset, but I don't say things to hurt people! You people lie, use lie like a knife stab people/my back, again and again! Forgive is easy if people say sorry, yes, I did this I said that. Hiding silent after I told you off, will not clean your name.

Well, where am I? Cooking! Yes, most people hate, not many love as a job, after all those years working like in hell for our loving dad, all daughters got from dad, in his eye his heart is a stranger! Tradition brain wash his head his heart, I love my dad very much, he tell people I am his best cook best daughter. How he lost his head his heart I don't know, sometimes I wonder... ? All those years cooking for dad in his little oven hot takeaway, put me off cooking! I really hate cooking!!! But I need a job to live, dreaming to work at home... start Mei's steamy kitchen, it could work if I am a little younger, healthier. I don't like begging from family and friends for help. It hurt last time I tried. Cooking exhibition in the BIC back in late 90, I did two cooking show for idea home in B'mth to promote my little hobby type business at my FIL's kitchen at home. The show give the business a big show off, phone none stop ringing all day. I do regretted my give up! But mum is dying, dad had a young bird in China don't want to come back to see mum. Dr. save mum, mum wait 3 more days, she die the same day dad visit her. She make it to see her daring hubby before she say good bye to the world. Miss you mum!

Where am I again? Yes, cleaning is easy! My first cleaning job is in a healthclub, I am a member with them before, still have friends family are member when I first start my cleaning job in that club. I need to put up my think skin face to do my cleaning, its 7am to 3pm. Fri Sat. But 8 hrs a day, give me policman foot. The manager wont cut down the hrs to let me do more day. I left the job look for some where else. I clean home, office, school to support myself. My hubby still my hubby, but we live apart, he love his dad more then wife, our life are like a sandwich, can't blame him. Our daughter nearly 15 when I move out from home... a teenage, a spoiled teenage, thanks for g-dad and hubby, mum lost her only daughter, together we are like having a world war 3 at home. I can only dream one day daughter will come back to mum... keep dreaming Mei!

2016 coming to end, has not been a good year for me, GOD drop me down 3 more friends, it's pain pain pain, how long I can cope, I don't know, keep fighting Mei! I hope 2017 new year new dream new hope... bring peace and love! Health and happiness to all.


Sunday, 9 October 2016



What is wrong with the slideshow? Why take it away? Why keep changing things around? Please care for the old... life is hard to keep up with all the new trend, can people have chooses to stay where we are? God, my head my eye...  

Saturday, 2 July 2016

A Sprocker Puppy...

A Sprocker puppy... hubby's new baby! Patch RIP last month. We all miss him very much. He is a beautiful dog, very handsome and kind. Love people! This little Sprocker... I am not so sure... Not a easy puppy! Or is it just me...

I hope this summer coming... is a peaceful stress free summer. Have another old old dream I like to give it another try. Can be easy if I want it to be or give it a little work if I have my battery charged. Love to see one more dream come true. Don't give up! Remember? Never give up is my best teacher! Show her again once more... you make it! No matter how big how small, how many time? 

Another full plate on life recently. Friend keep coming back to visit. And a bad fall at a lost garden in Cornwall, the pain nearly make me think I am finish, might end up in a wheelchair for life, thank GOD, it's getting better, still hurt a bit sitting down or sleep, I hope it will fully recover with time. And another friend from GOD won't go away... a damaged ear drum few years back is leaking like mad again. Make me really think... a monk might do the job, I don't need wash my hair, no more water get into my ear. No more antibiotic. PEACE! Life will be fun again! 

We all have ups and downs in life! With all the friends from GOD... my past isn't easy and pretty! But I tried hard now to enjoy every mins I got left, just hope our God, no more shower me with all those ugly friends, dust me down some pretty angle, can you GOD?

Monday, 29 February 2016

Father in-law RIP

Father in-law past away early this morning. Talking to myself the night before he left this world, I will hold my tear, just like I did to my dad. I can't stop tear run down in funerals, even to people hardly know, I cried nearly all day when my big grand-ma die, I hardly know this grand-ma, she hardly visit us. But I cry none stop nearly all day in her funeral, My other grand-ma hate me cry... she light up matches to stop me crying, and that don't help, no tear in the end but I still cry! I am long wind when I cry. No one can stop me, pain in the butt I am sometimes when I was a little girl. There isn't a drop over my own dad's. My love to him turn to hate, one is my own dad and one is my father in-law, both I do love very much. I know they love me too, but their love are selfish! They only care about themselves? Did they think about us? Pain they dump behind... well, I shouldn't get it all out again, a lot of you already heard read about my pain my hate my moan too many times. I don't want to born you people again in this post. For more read visit: Mei's writer dream. Enjoy!

Good bye g-dad! Rest in Peace. It's my father in-law, I like follow hubby and daughter call him g-dad. He is a very kind man in many ways... he is a real English gentleman, he will hold door for lady, he have all the English gentleman manner, not many like him this day, he is kind in many ways, and he is helpful never say no to anyone and he is clever too he can fix many things if you need a hand. 

But I still want to say... he is the world worst father in-law, All he think is about himself. 17 years living under his roof I lost my hubby and my only daughter, his use his love and spoil steal their heart. I lost my hubby and my only daughter. I will never forget his love, forgive him? I think I had done that, I will not be here talking to you two if I am still angry! I once said to him and hubby. How many live with in-law these days... we are doing not bad, I am proud to say. 

I Hate people stamp you on just a little things they read online... so and so are difficult to live with... That really put me off when I hear that, you can't hit everyone on the same boat. Lots people smoke, drink, take drug with the illness, did I? I am too easy... 

Well, I don't know what I try to do with this post, but anyway, RIP g-dad, Love you! I love you more then my dad, you never moan, you care, you help me many things when I need a hand, yes, you had many things I hate, but you're gone now, I let you off! Miss you G-DAD!

Monday, 22 February 2016

My little sis...

I am please my little sis are with me yesterday, I change my mind, I call her not to come down, I don't want to go out for Dim Sum, I am very sleepy, I want to charge my battery ready for work on Monday, half term is over, and my battery is like a dead one, I need beauty sleep to charge up, I am really sleepy yesterday, I can sleep all day. I am feeling much better now after all the writing and moan. I text little sis not to come down. She didn't reply, dont know she read my message or not, so I call her at home, her hubby answer the phone, she should be with you by now, may be she gone shopping, but that take her time, I am a little worry now, the road isn't a easy road from her to my. And her mb phone number dont work, so I call her hubby again for her new mb number.

Thank GOD, she turn up just a minute I put the phone down, look like she been shopping all the shop! I ask did you got my message and why dont you reply? I know why now, she like to see her poor bigsis... but poor bigsis need her beauty sleep. Well, we did have fun and nice to have her with me, she show me how to make pot sticker, I don't like pot sticker, but she make me some last time they are very very nice, I enjoy pot sticker now and ask her show me how, mmmuuuuu... yum! Love you little sis! Thank you for all you do. bigsis xxx (edited)