Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Talking to myself... :-)

I should have my photoblog in a new Google account and I have one already for it. But don't know why I didn't use it. I don't really want the photoblog have link with this blog But thinking the big number in some post might do good for the photoblog. Still don't understand those big number behind g+1 mean? They look yum but are they real? The count go up and down and sometime it move and disappeared and come back. When I still building my photoblog, it was set private but I have big number count already and it's over 300k in just few days. The g+1 count going up and down like yoyo every day, it's on the top left corner of the dashboard in the home page, very strange! In Mei's Steamy Kitchen my higher g+1 count is 49286 for my old post call "I make it!" I can understand why, the story and writing is good. What I don't understand is how come a new blog still in processing and not for public to view but the g+1 count is up and down like yoyo, in just a few days its over 300k something, if I remember right or is it 30k, wish I have cope post on here with those g+1 number, how did I get that high? Really want to know, anyboby know? I show hubby and he haven't a glue what is that mean. If the g+1 is like a facebook's like, but how I get the like if the blog is set for private just for the authors. And shoot up like a rocket in just a few days. I did open to public once for testing while I am still building the blog, only for a short time. The g+1 over 300k something is gone after I think its time to go public. I changed the setting for Katy-Mei Photoblog to public, the over 300k g+1 disappeared. I was a bit disappointed. Nice to show off that big number on any blog, don't you think? I don't want big number on my facebook I will to busy to keep up with so many likes or comment. But this g+1 is different, there is no need to reply or visit back to say thank you. It's good stuff for business. But I am very disappointed with g+1 now,  game's over! I don't believed anything now, everywhere is porky pie... I work at home most my life for dad in the kitchen and not have much experience with the outside world, I did had a little more fun then my two little sisters. I had left dad's take away after some drama with him. I left his take away a few times and work in London to do sewing and work in other people takeaway. The wage is more then double what dad pay me. There is no wage for the first few years, work 7 days a week no holiday, 15 years only had 3 holidays, and he had the heart to say: "Give it to daughters is like give it to stranger!" What a dad! 3 daughter work like hell for him in that little oven hot kitchen from 16 to 35 before left home marry. Our kind loving dad we thought he is tell my little brother give it to daughter is like give it to stranger! Any yes two little brother did help in the shop two but its not like 3 elder daughter work like hell for him full time and and I work 7 days when he just take over the shop from uncle, The shop open 7 days a and all my sisters and brothers still at school, they all help when they come home, we also have a one full time staff and my aunty help too in the weekend, The takeaway is busy in the old days, everyone work like hell there. Its small and hot like a oven. One of my little sis black out once on a busy Saturday. When we all grow up the shop can managed with out dad. Dad like to visit here there to other's take away and restaurant. Sometime we have to cope with a busy day just me and my two sis, orders are like heavy rain it come sudden. Dad enjoy him self chatting away visiting other takeaway and restaurant. We don't really mind, we love to see dad enjoy his time, he did had some hard time. But thinking back all the think the daughter did for him. I turn love to hate. I have wrote all this junk many times in my other blogs all my old blog friends may have enough of my moan moan! I don't know how I end up here again about my beloved dad. I hate him but I love him also. He's gone now, I did want to go back before he pass away, I can feel time is run out for him. But the meeting with sis and bro turn out another pain in the butt. And dad die few months later. Every 3 or 4 years I go back HK for a little break but 1999 is my last holiday in HK, I never go back since. I hate knowing dad is in China and not want it to see him, so rather not going back at all. I also lost all my friends who I had keep in touch since I left school in HK, we been writing 30 years to keep in touch, and some very nice friend I make during my holidays in HK. I feel shame to reply after what I did to myself during my depression. I don't want to hind from my friend anymore, not many know about my illness only told one, didn't go any futher with the subject put me off telling more. There are no friend left in HK to visit. Going back or not is not a big deal now. I go everywhere with hubby now, not like the old days I can go lots place and do things on my own. Can't believed I do it, didn't think its that big a thing to do, but hubby's aunty said to me once, I can't do that, you're brave find job yourself and work in London. Is it that call brave? ;-) I love that aunty! :-)

I think we can get a medal for working in the takeaway for dad for such long time and well behaved. I am the only one can't stand dad telling us off and left the home 3 times. When he tell us off he always end up: "If you have ability! You can leave! I close the shop!" Many time I want to say: "Why don't you then" did I say that? Course not! I am sure! Will not be here if I did. Hate to get it out ,but I don't know why I am writing all this junk today in here. I do love my dad and thought he love us too but he is a real slaves driver using the daughter like this. No wonder he die alone  in China and not a single one is with him when he passed away in hospital. Mum have everyone with her when she die, she even managed see dad once more before she die, dad had a 39 years old young bird in China, don't want to come back for mum, but he did in the end, visited her the afternoon and my mum die the same day after she saw dad. She die in her sleep with her last words: "Go home! Canton!" I asked the nurse can we bring her home? Nurse said yes, but no one like the idea when I tell my family, I just want mum have her last wish that is all. She is dying soon. Even nurse said we can do what we like. Wish I can take her home. She went to sleep and its Chinese new year's eve, year of the tiger, mum just had her birthday but she didn't make it for the new year. Tiger is hard to fight! My brother in-law said, hubby father in-law and my 7 years old daughter are with her when she had her last two wishes. We  drove back to Poole its late and the phone rang just after open the door, mum is dead little brother on the phone want us come back. Every body turn up in the hospital. I was exhausted, just finish a cooking exhibition in the BIC  the day before, with a bad flu and now mum, I just couldn't cope with my little hobby business: Mei's Oriental Cusine at home. I unplug my business phone. Give up my 15 months business cooking at home like a take away, I really enjoy it and with the help from friends I managed running two exhibitions. And the phone ranging none stop. But I can't cope with everything come at once. I unplug the phone. And that is the end of Mei's Oriental Cusine - Traditional Home cooked Oriental Cuisine Free Delivery Service. I was exhausted after the exhibition, the forward backward to the hospital. The phone was ranging just after the door open. We need to drove back mum id dead. We all drove back to Salisbury and its nearly midnight. Mum couldn't make it for the new year. I feel sorry couldn't make her last dream come true. Can't take her to Canton but I like to take her home. Still feel sorry I couldn't do that for her. It's her last words to me, wish all the other are with her hear her last words. "Go home, Canton!" She did have everyone with her for the new years eve. She die in her sleep! No pain!

When I was young don't have much worry with people and the world. I don't like dad attitude with things at home, that is all, I do love my dad very much and I am his favourite he told people. People told me.  Even mum told me to find job leave the takeaway when we she saw me crying in the bathroom. She was so understanding at that moment. Mum understand my hard time working in the kitchen and dad's attitude. She don't want me suffer more, Must be my last attend to leave the takeaway when she tell me to leave dad. I think 3 times I left dad's takeaway, twice dad asked me back. When I heard mum tell me to leave dad. I was a little surprised she say that, I was wiping my face in the bathroom, mum come in, my heart still feel the warm from my mum when she tell me to leave dad. She is on my side, she love me want me to be happy, she don't want to see me unhappy working all my life for dad in the kitchen. Dad's attitude is stink. He is a very selfish man. God, it's all coming back, not really want to get this out again, but who care now, I don't care the whole world know... I write to get myself free... the pain, the worry the hurt that been hiding for too long, it need fresh air again! I don't know what I am writing here tonight but I love it. I am getting more and more love writing now, wish I am still a little girl, I can start all over again at school to learn better English. Sharing the world with my friend Polarbear. I love you Polarbear! God, what is up tonight. Better stop now. Will vent more next time. Enjoy friends! Mei  edited 15.42pm 4/11/2014

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Katy-Mei Photoblog

Hello everyone! Mei been busy building a new blog for her photos... nearly think I am going nut again! Never give up work again! A photo blog I been trying to build for ages! I let too many things drag! I had days I wish I can have another brain I can ask for help sit next to me! Don't know how many time I had fail and tried, its nearly there... once more go, again and again till I got it right. I must be crazy want this blog finish, I have two days working none stop day and night not one mins sleep. I tried again and again too many times, to see how things work to build my new photo blog. I am so glad I got this far. I still got my stubborn mind like the old days when I tried to knit with pattern, with very little English I managed learn to knit all by myself. Dreaming to knit is a very old dream since I was a little girl watch my neighbour knit, I wish I can knit one day... That dream take me years and years unpicked redo with very poor English, no one knit in the family and I did tried my best to teach my two sisters, one managed finish knitting a cadi and leave me finish the join up! I love see people knit, some knitter are very clever they do without pattern book, I am no good without the pattern. I have not touch my knitting needle for years but still dreaming to knit one day! When the mind are not so busy. Too much going on... The again and again is worth it. Not one minute sleep last Saturday working on this new blog. I'm nearly there... one more try one more try! I don't know how many times I had redo retried... still not 100 happy with the blog yet but will do for now. I will really go nut carry on to find out more how things work! Need a break now and thank GOD once more... not giving up have show some colour to my work. I am very please with this new blog and hope you like it too! Still got a lot to do yet and hope sharing this happy dream takes me back to some beautiful memories... Katy-Mei memories lane... believe him or not? I like to say thank you GOD once more! :-) Keep the dream going Katy-Mei, Don't give up!

Here is the link to: Katy-Mei Photoblog. Still got alot to dream... Please feel free to leave your feedback or a comment. I appreciate it very much. Thank you for your visit!

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Dreamer Story

I am a dreamer a fighter! Had a friend call Polarbear (Bipolar) since 18. Just past my 56th birthday not long ago.

Life is a rainbow each one has its colourful story. Sad and happy we all had a bit to taste! Forget is never easy and learning to forgive does take time, some take years, some never will! Dreamer still learning!

I love beauty, our father the GOD created many pretty things for us to see to learn and to try. I’m lucky to pick up a little bit of stuff I like and enjoy. Doing a little bit of this and that. Maybe that’s my weak point in life, too many flower petals in my heart!

We should never give up hope, dreams keep us going look forward in life! Some take years to come true! I never give up my dreams, some did come true after many years... a piano, my own place, a loving hubby a beautiful daughter and many more. Yes, not all dreams come true... Mei's steamy kitchen is a dream I like see it come true but Polarbear stop me in time. He don't want to see me go back the old road, end up in his home(hospital) again. Dreams make you work hard, without dream I don't know where to find home for my bleeding heart.

8 years writing on blogs, facebook with my crap English, I can see a little improved, should work harder to get better. English isn't a subject I see I will get much better. I am too lazy with words. 42 years in England, my English should do better than where I am now! Blame my shyness and laziness! Took me sometimes to find out why people laugh in the classroom when a classmate asks me to say SOMETHING! I do what she tells me "Something!" I replied. How thick I am? I was nearly 14 when I moved to England with my family. Too shy to speak English, I hardly learn anything in my lessons. I left school at 16, did a year washing up in restaurant. Then working for dad in his oven hot kitchen for 15 years with my two sisters. Don't want to cook all my life in dad's takeaway. I left home for good to start a new me... studying hairdressing for a year and found my man, we have a daughter, lived happily together with father in-law for 17 years. On boxing day 2007, I had issue with father in-law, I moved out from family, support myself cleaning homes, offices and schools. Life is hard but I cope. Fighting Polarbear isn't easy, I still had my up and down, but I am copying. 14 years no need Dr. and my 5* h.otel (hospital). Doing very well, everybody told me. I don't know good or bad writing out my story again in here, I hope my story can give some people a bit more understand about my friend Polarbear. We aren't all that scary!

I want to share my story about Polarbear for years and dream to write a book about the fun and pain I had with blogging! But with my English I know this dream book is hard to be true. Also sharing Polarbear here... will it give me more pain in life? Well, should I care? How many tomorrow or friends GOD want to shower on me? I call all the new comer FRIEND now, and they’re queuing to get in! A size like a tennis balls growing at my back shoulder is my latest friend, another new friend from GOD? In the beginning I told Dr. and friends... I wish the lump is cancer, so I can go with pride, no need DIY, I am no good with DIY, 5 times I failed. Started a blog with WLS 8 years ago gives me the feeling I am writing a book about Polarbear. Writing my up and down do a good job to keep Polarbear under control. I lost count on my times with Dr. and hospital. I am clean for over 12 years now. Thanks for the MHT's Family Work they do a good job to educated me about the illness. And "My blog do better job then him!" My social worker once said. Writing my story on blog makes me feel like I am writing my dream book. I feel useful and proud. Not really a book. But sharing my story, photos in here with this www. I feel useful. I hope one day I will get my other blog finish - Katy-Mei's photo, just beautiful photos no moaning. Thank you for reading!

All images and text, are the sole property of the photographer/author, use without permission is strictly prohibited.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

A dream I dream...

Writing this morning on facebook I like to share:

God, I just realised I don't need get ready for work, it's Saturday! Am I right? Yes, just checked my laptop, Been up just before 3, how many years I been a early bird now? May be learning to write online is the best option... I really want to write a book about my illness, my blogs. But I don't know how and my English is another reason keep put me off... worry people will laugh when they read my writing my story.
I gave up my after school clean, still keep my morning clean. But can it manage all the bills? I hope to have more times work on my cards, painting and writing, dreaming they can help me pay bills one day! Will they come true... I don't know! Just keep dreaming! It's the dreams keep me going now, otherwise what can I do, got to have dream to keep alive! But most the times... I waste times on my dreams... I feel useless but I do have days I talk to myself... yes, I can do it, give it another chance... GO, try it!
I am taking writing a good think, I hope to finish the book I dream one day...
I will open up all my old blogs again soon! Some post is a little hot n spice, but I will change its name, character or place. I don't need add to my dream book but those are the hot post. I hope my dream book will come true oneday... remember small step Katy-Mei!!! And thank you for all my FB friends, blog friends your encouragement and kind words. Mei
Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, 31 January 2014

Year of the Horse

Happy Chinese New year!
It's year of the horse this year, wishing you all a healthy and Joyful year!

Saturday, 4 January 2014

I make it...

Another dream come true... https://www.facebook.com/MRW.EasyCook. Great start for the new year! Small step a time... keep on going! And I hope one day the other half "Guess the cook" will come truth too... if not its only another SO! Life is fun... enjoy every mins. Leave the past behind... head straight toward your dream. Dream keep us going!

Thursday, 2 January 2014

2014 New Year

Happy 2014 everyone! 
Peace and Joy
for the New Year... and a healthy mind and body!